Ex and I Are Texting Again
Afterward a iv-calendar month long-distance relationship, Jen Glantz's boyfriend broke things off with her in what she calls a "semi-passive style."
"We are both entrepreneurs. 1 twenty-four hour period he called me to tell me he was moving to Thailand for a few months," Glantz, writer and host of the "You're Non Getting Any Younger" podcast, told HuffPost. "I said, 'OK, cool, I'll become too.' He said, 'No, Jen. You lot weren't invited.' That phone call made me realize that his way of breaking up with me was moving around the world."
Because of how poorly he handled the situation, Glantz told him she was done with the relationship. But just i calendar week later, her ex started texting her once again equally if everything was totally normal between them.
"It was tough because fifty-fifty though I was brokenhearted, I still got jitters when I saw his name pop upwardly on my phone," she said. "It took everything, every ounce of courage and self-confidence to ignore his texts."
Ultimately, Glantz said she realized these texts were her ex's way of keeping her in his orbit without fully committing to the relationship.
"The texts showed me how much of a coward he was," she said.
Glantz's story is a mutual one in today's dating mural. It's easier than ever for exes to keep tabs on yous and popular dorsum into your life whenever they please. We asked therapists to explain why an ex might be texting you post-separate and how to respond (or non) if information technology happens to you.
Why your ex might exist texting you lot again
We tin can't tell yous precisely what your ex was thinking when they picked up the phone to text y'all, just how and why your relationship ended likely played a function in their decision to strike upward a conversation.
If your ex was the one who initiated the breakup in the first place merely then decides to start texting you again out of the bluish, it can be baffling. You lot may recollect to yourself, "Hm, this person made it clear they don't have feelings for me anymore. And, withal, they intendance enough to randomly ask what I thought about the 'Toy Story 4' trailer." And then, what gives?
" The likeliest possibility is that they are reflecting about the relationship and are missing you lot," psychologist Samantha Rodman said. "Most of the time this would exist for romantic or sexual reasons, but sometimes they might just want to be friends once again."
If the relationship ended on bad terms or your ex feels the breakup was their fault, they may exist texting y'all out of guilt and a desire to make things right, Rodman added. Another possibility? Yous 2 have a agglomeration of mutual friends so your ex just wants to smoothen things over before yous inevitably run into each other at the next group birthday dinner, friend's hymeneals or other social gathering.
"Resuming communication could also be a fashion of testing the waters. Whether they are hoping to get dorsum together or develop a friendship, texting is a low-risk mode to estimate your interest."
- Anna Poss, therapist
And if you were the one to break things off, your ex could be reaching out in guild to get some closure.
"If they felt the split was abrupt, disruptive or left them with unresolved feelings, an ex might reach out to gain clarity," therapist Anna Poss said. "Resuming advice could besides be a style of testing the waters. Whether they are hoping to go back together or develop a friendship, texting is a low-adventure fashion to estimate your involvement."
And who knows: Your ex could be sitting at dwelling house bored, just fishing for attention from an old flame to pass the fourth dimension. Possibly she's drunk and horny. Perchance he's feeling sentimental afterwards "your" vocal popped up on Spotify.
If yous're non certain what your ex'southward intentions are in resuming contact (and you lot really intendance to know), Poss said not to waste fourth dimension analyzing all the possibilities in your head — just ask.
"We tin't read minds and whatever assumptions could create more stress and conflict," she said. "You can say something along the lines of, 'Nosotros haven't spoken in a while and I was surprised to hear from yous, and then I wanted to bank check in.'"
The mixed emotions of receiving a text from an ex
Seeing your ex's name pop up on your phone tin produce a visceral reaction, like the ane Glantz mentioned to a higher place. Your stomach drops, your heart starts chirapsia faster, your palms get sweaty. Sometimes, it's a blitz of excitement. Other times, it's a feeling of validation (OK, they exercise yet miss me after all). It tin can feel really proficient to hear from this person, even when y'all recognize this person wasn't correct for you or the human relationship had simply run its class.
"For some, receiving a text message from an ex can be comforting on a certain level because it'south confirmation that you lot nevertheless occupy space in the ex's listen and it's farther proof that the attachment [y'all shared] was real," said wedlock and family therapist Jon-Paul Bird.
Only later on the initial excitement from the ex text has worn off, the feelings that follow can be a mixed bag. On the ane hand, you're relishing the fact that y'all're still on this person's listen. On the other, yous're frustrated because you don't want this communication to derail the important progress you lot've made in moving on.
"A breakup involves going through a grief procedure," Bird said. "That random ex text can crusade some emotional recidivism and stunt some of the healing process."
In other cases, receiving a text from an ex tin immediately bring up feelings of annoyance, dread or even fear — peculiarly if the relationship was a toxic and unhappy one that you desire distance from.
After a breakdown, Bird said, some people merely need "an emotional cutoff and want to remove all evidence of their ex from their life."
To answer or to ignore: That is the question
Know that you have every right to ignore a text from your ex — especially if replying will put your mental health or safety in jeopardy.
"If you feel dread or anxiety at the prospect of communicating with your ex again, or if your relationship with them was unhealthy or calumniating, it may exist best for your mental well-being to [not respond]," Poss said.
Eugenio Marongiu via Getty Images
But what near when the relationship was, for the most part, happy and good for you? Mayhap yous've even been toying with the idea of getting back together with this person down the route. In that example, respond to your ex'south texts in a friendly fashion, Rodman said. Inquire them how they've been, keep the conversation going for a flake and and then see if they'd be interested in catching up in person.
"If yous really experience that the conversation is going well, see how they respond to a coincidental invitation to hang out, similar, 'Maybe we should catch java this calendar week,'" Rodman said. "If they don't accept y'all upwards on this immediately and requite y'all a time and day, so you lot tin can probably conclude that they were just existence friendly, rather than wanting to rekindle your relationship."
Other times, you lot may accept had a fairly amicable breakup but yous're just not interested in pursuing annihilation romantic with this person. You don't want to accident them off completely by ignoring their texts, but yous also don't desire to give them the impression that you're open to getting back together.
"If you think y'all'd like to be friends eventually or, at the very to the lowest degree, avoid future awkward encounters, write back and say hello, but don't text back too quickly and don't make any plans," Rodman said. "This keeps the door open for whatever type of friendship you lot may want to have in the future, but makes information technology pretty articulate that you're not yearning to reconnect with them romantically or sexually."
Glantz offered some parting words of wisdom that we can definitely go backside: "When people make up one's mind to leave your life, let them. But you go out theirs besides. End the texts. Take the time you would utilize to write something brilliant back for self-care."
Demand aid? In the U.Southward., call 1-866-331-9474 or text "loveis" to 22522 for the National Dating Abuse Helpline .
Cards To Give To A Friend Going Through A Breakup
Source: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/reasons-ex-texting-after-breakup_l_5ce3360ce4b0e69c18f06b02
0 Response to "Ex and I Are Texting Again"
Post a Comment